Dad?
My girlfriend has an eleven month old baby girl. The kid's real biological farther isn't in the picture at the moment and I've pretty much the father role to myself right now. This has made me very happy. When you pickup a crying baby and realize the only thing wrong is she wanted you to hold her; well there isn't much to compare with that feeling. Eliciting a big grin or a squeal of delight from something as simple as rolling a tennis ball or lifting her in the air isn't something I grow tired with.
I've given a bit of thought as to how I want her to address me when she's old enough speak the proper English. Specifically, do I want her to call me "Dad"? Honestly, I'm not sure. I've been looking at different thoughts on the internerd and as with everything else there people have wildly differing opinions.
Some don't think it's right for a child to call an adult by their first name but I've no problem with this custom at all. My aunts and uncles on the maternal side of my family have always been known by their first names by the nieces and nephews. It didn't mean we respected them any less than the paternal aunts and uncles; it was just how we did things.
A lot of commentry from biological parents is that they don't want someone else being called "Mom" or "Dad" since that's their title and don't think anyone else should have the right to share it.
There are a few stepfathers who seem to think it is important they're called "Dad" or some variant, especially when there are other children involved as well. I can see their point to some degree. Having some kids refer to the man of the house as "Dad" while others call him "George" or whatever may be a little strange and perhaps be a continual reminder that he's not their real parent.
Perhaps the most common thread through all discussions on this is that the child should be left to make up their own mind as to how they call their step-parent. That's all well and good when somebody enters the picture when the child in question already had a grasp of English and is old enough make their own decisions. An 11 month old who speaks a language only she can understand is going to be talking her cues from what we as parents teach her.
This is something I guess I need to come to terms with sooner rather than later since she's already starting to mimic words we say, albeit infrequently. I may have to start watching my swearing now :)
A few of things that I am sure of are:
That's enough thinking for one night. Time to charge the batteries. I mean that literally too. My phone, iPod and flash based MP3 player are all flat. The portable phones at home are the only things I make sure are always charged. Perhaps there is some deep and meaningful reason behind that but I don't know what it is.
I've given a bit of thought as to how I want her to address me when she's old enough speak the proper English. Specifically, do I want her to call me "Dad"? Honestly, I'm not sure. I've been looking at different thoughts on the internerd and as with everything else there people have wildly differing opinions.
Some don't think it's right for a child to call an adult by their first name but I've no problem with this custom at all. My aunts and uncles on the maternal side of my family have always been known by their first names by the nieces and nephews. It didn't mean we respected them any less than the paternal aunts and uncles; it was just how we did things.
A lot of commentry from biological parents is that they don't want someone else being called "Mom" or "Dad" since that's their title and don't think anyone else should have the right to share it.
There are a few stepfathers who seem to think it is important they're called "Dad" or some variant, especially when there are other children involved as well. I can see their point to some degree. Having some kids refer to the man of the house as "Dad" while others call him "George" or whatever may be a little strange and perhaps be a continual reminder that he's not their real parent.
Perhaps the most common thread through all discussions on this is that the child should be left to make up their own mind as to how they call their step-parent. That's all well and good when somebody enters the picture when the child in question already had a grasp of English and is old enough make their own decisions. An 11 month old who speaks a language only she can understand is going to be talking her cues from what we as parents teach her.
This is something I guess I need to come to terms with sooner rather than later since she's already starting to mimic words we say, albeit infrequently. I may have to start watching my swearing now :)
A few of things that I am sure of are:
- I don't want to be called "Uncle Nick". It's just a plain wrong reference.
- I don't want to be called "Stepdad" or "Stepfather" or whatever.
- I don't want to be called "Father" or "Sir" or anything overly formal.
That's enough thinking for one night. Time to charge the batteries. I mean that literally too. My phone, iPod and flash based MP3 player are all flat. The portable phones at home are the only things I make sure are always charged. Perhaps there is some deep and meaningful reason behind that but I don't know what it is.
posted by Nick at 7:37 PM
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